


Loose Lips Sink Ships

by Ultra



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Characters Reading Fanfiction, Crazy, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:39:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers discover fanfiction... with interesting results!</p>
<p>(Originally written for an avland challenge at LJ.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loose Lips Sink Ships

When Darcy walked in to find Thor with Mjolnir raised over his head, ready to take out a defenceless laptop, she knew something was wrong.

“Woah, big guy!” she said, hands raised in surrender, just in case the hammer decided to come her way instead. “What’s up?”

“My brother’s evilness is at work again, I am certain of it!” the so-called demi-god declared. “How else do you explain this?!” he asked too loudly.

“Um, okay...”

Darcy edged around the table, gesturing for Thor to drop the weapon already. She was a little startled to find that her buddy from the sky was looking at a website that was mostly for fanfiction from what she could tell. How that could’ve led him to think Loki was causing trouble again, Darcy had no idea.

“So what’s the big... deal?” she asked, suddenly realising the answer to her question before she really finished asking it.

“These slanderous lies and tales being told!” Thor yelled too loudly near her ear.

“There’s slander now?” asked Clint as he wandered in with Natasha, the two of them sweaty and carrying towels - Darcy guessed there had been some kind of working out sparring thing going on.

“No, there’s fanfiction,” she grinned, unable to help herself. “Thor got a little upset, but honestly, dude, it’s fine,” she assured him. “This is what happens when you get famous. Your fans wanna write their own adventures, either about you or with you...”

“And we’re supposed to be okay with this?” asked Natasha, one eyebrow raised.

“Not sure you can really stop it,” Darcy shrugged. “Although, you guys really don’t have that much to worry about anyway. The major ship seems to be Tony and Steve,” she giggled as she scrolled down the page some more.

“Ship?” Thor echoed. “Who is sailing this boat? I shall sink it before...”

“Down boy!” urged Darcy, complete with placating gestures once again. “Ship is Internet slang, short for relationship. Means a lot of these crazy little bunnies have fantasies about old Iron Balls and 4th of July gettin’ busy. Y’know, making the beast of two backs?” she tried again when Thor looked blank.

“Having sex, man!” said Clint, just to put the poor guy out of his misery.

“Wow. I really know how to walk in at the interesting moments,” said Bruce as he came through the door. “Um, I would ask if you were having a meeting I don’t know about but...”

“Kind of an impromptu gathering,” shrugged Darcy, moving over on the couch and encouraging him to come sit down. “Come see what he found, Doc. It’ll make your head explode.”

“So long as you don’t mean that literally, or in a green way,” he said pointedly at which Darcy rolled her eyes. “Wow,” he gasped as he read the latest page Darcy had clicked on. “Do they know...?” he asked, glancing up briefly at Clint and Natasha.

Immediately the two agents grabbed up the laptop and began reading. Darcy would swear she heard the Widow ask Arrow Boy if there might be cameras in the work-out room, but mostly she was being distracted by a lot of crashing around from the adjoining room. There seemed to be some silent dispute over whether they should all investigate or not. Eventually it was Bruce that took the initiative and walked over to the door, carefully prising it open. Even he wasn’t quite ready for the sight that met his eyes.

“What’s happening with...? Oh my God!” Darcy’s question fast turned into a gasp of surprise and a terrible urge to giggle as she arrived at Bruce’s side a second later.

There stood Tony, half in, half out of his Iron Man garb, with a can of whipped cream in his hand, looking momentarily stunned. Meanwhile, Steve was stood on the bed in some kind of action-ready pose, wearing nothing but very tight and shiny red, white, and blue underwear, and his Captain America cowl/mask.

“Bruce, Darcy,” said Tony eventually, the usual easy smile coming to his lips. “We were just...”

“If I beg, will you please not finish that sentence?” asked his fellow scientist, as Darcy bit so hard on her lip that it almost bled.

A couple of seconds more and Bruce was closing the door on the whole spectacle, wishing the picture from his mind with all the might he had in him. Darcy let out the laughter that she’d held onto too long and leaned on the Hulk’s alter-ego for support as her legs threatened to give way.

“Nope,” she forced out through fits of giggles. “No slander on that website!”

Thor could only stare, feeling more confused than ever. Midgard was that much more strange than he ever thought... and he still didn't understand what any of this had to do with boats!


End file.
